No happy ending

you came into my life wielding your smile as the most dangerous weapon I'd ever seen.

I knew right then, there could not be a happy ending.

And then you shot.

Steps

I know you get me,

you know I'm just pretending.

when my words are like knives,

I'm only hiding between the lies.

Just take that step you need to take

you'll see my words entirely change

you'll hear the sweetest things you've heard,

they'll be the truest thing I've said.

Just take that step towards me

I'll turn your doubts in certainties

I'll look you in the eyes, you'll see

my secret will be reality.

And if you really don't know how,

just give me a sign I understand

just hold me tight, just grab my hand

just let me show you who I am.

choices

and he let her go because he thought sticking to the known would be a safer choice. Little did he know, she was the one who was meant to make him happy.

Paréntesis.

(Te) espero.

todavía (te) espero.

Coming clean

I know, I have a long history of trying to hide what I really feel. But there's always been a reason for it: I'm scared, I'm childish, I'm scared, I'm so damn scared of being hurt. I'm scared of losing face. I was scared of losing you if I had told you what was actually going on with me. But now you are gone, I already lost you even though I never had you, so now I can come clean. It might be mainly to myself, 'cuz no one's ever gonna read this anyways, but come clean at last.

I do like you. Yes, I was flirting with you. No, I don't want us to be "just friends"-even though I was willing to content myself with that.

But if I actually want you to know the whole truth I need to elaborate in the "like" part: This is not a Facebook "like", it is an "I want to share my life with you" kind of "like", this is a way of liking someone I hadn't felt for such a long time, that I had almost forgotten I could feel this way. This is a "like" as in "when you are around me, I'm complete"

I know, cognitively, as a matter of fact, that you would never lay eyes on me. I know you have a happy life with someone else. I've seen her, she is a thousand times better than me. I can't compete with her, I can't compete with all the time you two have spent together, with her youth, much less with her beauty. And is not that I would want to either. Even if I could, I'd hate to be one who goes stealing people's happiness away. 

I just had this little tiny hint of hope deep within my heart you could see me as I see you; all superficial things aside: age, background, looks...and discover in me that someone that makes the sun shine upon your heart, that person I found in you. There was this microscopical spark inside me wishing you would give me a chance.

In real life, I would be now trying to take back everything I just said, but this time I am willing to put myself out there for you, let my bare heart exposed to any possible wound, because I'm convinced you are worth it and I guess because I'm still hoping you'll have a change of heart, because I still wish you'll call me and tell me we need to talk, because I daydream one day I will come home, and you'll be waiting for me on my door and you'll tell me you read this and knew at once I was talking about you.


Now I read this and I see how selfish I am, having nothing to offer, having this humble soul and wanting you, with all your perfection in my life... maybe that's why it was so easy to fake it when I felt I had to...

Areas of expertise

You wanted me to back off.
I was getting way to close for you to handle.
Too many laughs,
too much complicity,
too much chemistry,
too much common ground to find love.
The truth is: you'll never know how good it could have been.
I would have made you feel there's nothing closer to perfection than you.
I would have kissed every pain, every bad memory away.
We would have laughed ourselves to sleep, enjoyed every story the other had to tell.
We could have traveled the world, speak every language that has ever been spoken.
You would have taught me what happiness is.
Now don't you dare complaining -there won't be any second chances.
The thing is: I never look back.
That is something I'm an expert at.

____

Áreas de expertise:

Tú quisiste que retrocediera.
Me acerqué más de lo que podías manejar.
Demasiadas risas,
demasiada complicidad,
demasiada química,
demasiadas cosas en común para encontrar el amor.
La verdad es que nunca sabrás lo bueno que lo nuestro hubiera podido ser.
Yo te habría hecho sentir que no hay nada más cercano a la perfección que tú.
Yo te habría sanado de todos los dolores, habría borrado cada mal recuerdo.
Habríamos reído hasta caer dormidos y disfrutado cada historia que el otro tiene para contar.
Habríamos viajado por el mundo y hablado cada idioma jamás hablado.
Tú me habrías mostrado como es la felicidad.
Ahora no te quejes, que no habrá segundas oportunidades.
El asunto es que yo nunca miro hacia atrás.
En eso soy experta.

it's almost funny

It looks like my life is empty but I  have more lovely people in my life than I can even count.
I have more than enough things to do so I can keep myself busy.
... and nonetheles I'm all the time chasing after you.

Why the hell did you have to show up and turn my life upside down?

Núm3r0s.

Te acabo de ver y ya estoy contando los segundos para volver a verte.
Faltan:
doscientos sesenta y dos mil ochocientos,
doscientos sesenta y dos mil setecientos setenta y nueve,
doscientos sesenta y dos mil setecientos setenta y ocho...
Hasta a contar estoy aprendiendo por ti.

Por favor, quédate en mi vida cuando se haya acabado el tiempo. 

Just the opposite of the song

Cuz now I have my heart set on you.

Just in case

just in case you happen to click your way here:

Hello, hello it's me, I've got something on my mind that I need to say. But words, they weigh me down like I'm all alone, standing in a crowd. I need you here, I need you now, I'm wading in a river, Could you come around? and save me now.
I lie awake, I cannot sleep, every time I close my eyes I see you in front of me. You are my heart, you give me strenght, I can't imagine what I'd do without you in my life. I need you here, I need you now, I'm swimming on a river and I don't know how, so save me now.
As the world goes racing by I feels like I've been left behind and no matter how I try, I need you to get me by.