My life consists of mainly happy days. That is not something that just happened, it is a decision I made not long ago.I'm aware this is only perk of the provileges I have. I consciously make sure, that I pick the right thing to do, so the happines is maximized. Every time I make a choice I try to think of the consequences it will have over my life and over the life of others, the people who surround me and I care about, but even over those whose lives are not really entangled with mine. Now that I think about it, it is not even a hard thing to do, because I have practice and I am sorrounded of amazing people.
Almost every day.
There are days like today. When I feel like a bad actress playing a role in a B movie. Days when it is very hard to like myself, the way others do. Days when I don't even get why others would even talk to me. Days when I am, like every other day, all smiles on the outside, but fighting the tears that want to come out.
When a day like today arrives, it mainly happens because of this very self deprecating image of myself. Maybe because I am fat. I am lucky to be what most would call a "people person". But I don't look the part...and, like every single human I want to be liked and not only because of the person I am deep inside, but also because of my complete self and not in spite of it...
Not that what's inside was that awesome, anyways...
I'm scared. I don't seem to be, but I am.
Maybe I should just dissapear completely.
